Issue #35: 19 Mecheir 2757
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
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 | An Ennui So Fail, It Might Just Be A Win!by Mr. RagdollANKHET, ANKHET.ORG, THE WORLD WIDE WEB – Current events in Ankhet have all been going crazy lately. The craziest of them all, is the ennui of most people’s favourite…what was that phrase…ah yes, person to hate. Yes. On the 5 of Mecheir, 2757, after giving out quite a few invigorates, Malarthi (The Black Pearl/The Tet Corporation) succumbed to ennui. Shortly after, a few people, including Jebe (Karakorum), Lunaca_The_Destroyer, now known as Bink (N: Karakorum), envincible (N: The White Pearl) and Colonel JK, now known as Field Marshal JK (The Wicked Wench) were seen to have been attempting to Exhaust, Doom and do all sorts of attacks to the already-ennuied Malarthi, for fun. This reporter, while hiding on IRC, saw the messages that have been flying. In fact, all of the Exhausts and Dooms were deflected by Txaran, even after the ennui of Malarthi, as reported by our protagonists then. Txaean, by the way, lasted till 6 of Mecheir, after which Malarthi was lost and done for good. Another anecdote that was found on IRC was that Malarthi had actually planned to become the Specter of Malarthi. Envincible has reported to actually searching for the Specter of Malarthi in the 5th portal, but had no luck so far. Whoops. None know whether this matter is related…but on the same day Malarthi ennuied, a new disciple Pimp Daddy Jesus was created. Field Marshal JK immediately started to guard him. As soon as PDJ appeared on the heralds for choosing Hathor, Jebe and Bink started to attempt to doom the PDJ, but they had to end up dooming JK and kill him before killing PDJ. Jebe eventually used a Philter and resurrected JK later, so it seemed like the attack was mainly targeted at PDJ only. Shortly after, PDJ succumbed to ennui. And what happened in the aftermath? Well, the real Pimp Daddy Jesus, aka Frey, aka Dr. Gonzo (Monolith), must have been incredibly pissed off with all of this, though he admits he couldn’t have done anything. Interrogative Aerophram'Yes or No?' was the uninformative question that Euplicitous Aerophram (N: The Riven) asked us on 8 Mecheir, and we've been guessing ever since. The self-proclaimed Benevolent Overlord asked this question devoid of context or elaboration, in the accurately titled 'The Question: Part One.' (the underworld). Having received a range of responses with the diversity you'd expect from a 'yes or no' question, he distributed red flagons to those who had answered with a positive reponse. Those who had answered with a 'no' were left empty-handed.'The Question: Part One.' was followed by an equally informative topic; 'The Question: Part Two', also in the underworld. Again, 'Yes or No?' was the question asked, completely devoid of context or elaboration. Wary of our Overlord's reputation for heavy-handedness, the majority of the twenty-one disciples who responded went with 'No', with Baltar (Shadows) providing a veritable essay to that effect. For the brave few who did venture a 'Yes', a sharp devastation to death was the order of the day with nibsy, Eccentric (Guidon), Mafdet (The Riven), Bottom-Heavy Grapefruit (The Quill and Dagger), Dr. Gonzo (Monolith), Davy Jones (N: The Black Pearl), Freya (The Asylum), and Bink (Karakorum) all receiving this 'prize'. Will our Overlord's attacks go unchecked? With 'The Question: Part Three' having recently been posted in the underworld at the time of this article's writing, we'll have to sit tight and wait to see what happens next. Quotes of the Week“I'm a bad bad girly girl because following my flower flow is“I recieved no generosity, thusly I will not bask, fawn, or treat anyone accordingly, including Krysondra.” – Altair replying to Euplicitous Aerophram in Your Benevolent Overlord Speaks from Halls of Initiation. “What is so special about being Riven? Without EA... I mean, not much draw to it otherwise.” – Dr. Gonzo replying to Krysondra in Your Benevolent Overlord Speaks from Halls of Initiation. “I am Euplicitous Aerophram. I’m sorry, is that an agenda in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” - Euplicitous Aerophram replying to Dijital in Assisting Inexperienced Disciples located in the Servants “Now, be a good Disciple and shut the fuck up as you move along to undoubtedly the next pathetic attempt to insult me.” – Dijital’s response to Aurum Astrum in Assisting Inexperienced Disciples located in the Servants. “The name is "em," not "woman." – em in response to Dijital in Assisting Inexperienced Disciples located in the Servants. “You would stoop so low as to teach me!?! That is far from Rivenly.” – Jebe in response to Mullhotep, in the Rhea thread in the Underworld. “This is by far the hottest Knight Rider/Punky Brewster fanfic I have ever read.” - Ozymandias Aerophram’s reply to A Short Address For An Immortal by DiscipulusDeorum in the Underworld. “If I got a Kuk charm for every time Frey mocks Coldplay in chat, I'd have two Keket crests by now.” - Bottom-Heavy Grapefruit responding to Adam in the El Contest! thread in the Underworld. “So while I get you wanting to try and stop controversy from growing, it’s kind of like an erection. It’s going to pop up whether you want it to or not.” – Arabella in the AdoratorMortuorum thread in the Underworld. Communal Commentaryby an Opinionated ObserverBy the gods, this weekend has been chock-full of bickering and nit picking! Did Bink lie about how much he tithed? Did he tithe after he knew she was dead? Just how much can a dead person tithe? I have no idea, and apparently even after pages of discussion, no one else does either. This Observer has noticed a rise in the levels of violence allowed against those who murder Kauket early in the day. Perhaps the camel's back has had one too many pieces of straw placed upon it. Handouts of Anima and offers of Kuk Charms can only calm the public for so long! It will surely take some cruel and unusual punishment to encourage Disciples to take more care when visiting our favorite Sphinx. Being negged Doomed to death, stripped of favor and jovially 'offering' to perform menial tasks for the community just doesn't seem to be working as a preventative. In other news, Dan has succumbed to Ennui... Has he gone AFK for good, or will he be back in a cunning disguise? Speaking of cunning disguises, Malarthi has not yet been sighted among the newbie throng. Was he just so ashamed of his interview in TAG's last issue that he could not handle being in the public eye any longer? Meanwhile, Snigu Ka Tet had the pleasure of winning em's contest; LDS II. It came down to a furious final battle of epic proportions! No, wait, this contest isn't quite so literal as all that. The final round saw Evori and Snigu Ka Tet compete against each others creative skill in designing a new area of our happy world. Both entries were worthy of the prize, but in the end, Snigu proved the victor! TAG did not publish an issue last week despite Ozymandias' pleas for the author of Malarthi's interview to interview themselves, and Nefertiti is still doing battle with the elements - will TAG live to publish another day, or has Ankhet run out of news? Top of the GameHere are the current Ankhets: (Bold indicates a change from the previous issue)
From the Editor's DeskEnjoying TAG? Want to see it continue?Contribute! Please send any questions, comments, or submissions to AnkhetGazette@gmail.com. Submissions for Wednesday's issue should be in by Monday evening. Previous Issues can be viewed by using the Archives button below. View Archives | | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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In Memoriam: Ninjalicious